Clinical depression has the ability to suck every last bit of energy and strength from you - depression doesn’t care about you or your life.
It doesn’t care about your goals.
Your dreams.
Depression has one mission, and that is to make your life a living hell.

Mental illness is a disease. And a disease doesn’t care. Mental illnesses are no different from cancer, diabetes, heart disease etc.
It can strike anyone.
Anywhere.

For me, depression has been an on going battle that comes and goes in my life, with my first clinical signs starting 13 years ago.

You would think after 13 years of therapy, medication changes, antidepressants, lifestyle changes, psychiatrists, psychologists, hypnotherapy & hospital stays - to name a few - maybe I would have found some relief, and don’t get me wrong, I have, to a degree.
But there is still elements of depression that arise in my life unexpectedly and without reason.

I have no quick fix or solution when those waves of depression hit me. After 13 years it still feels just as bad as the first time I experienced the aching feeling of numbness.

I have learnt one thing though, one thing that works.
It’s knowing this feeling is just for now. This feeling will pass. This relapse will pass. This is only temporary.
And I’m right, it never lasts forever. But at the time, it feels like I’ll never escape or feel okay again.

And that’s where I am right now.
No escape. Not okay.
Numb, tired and very empty.

But it will pass.
It always does.

So, if all you did today was get out of bed, or walk from bed to the bathroom, or wobble around on your hands, or even just wake up and make it through the day - congratulations. I’m proud of you.
I hope that tomorrow brings you more light. I hope it brings you something other than numbness.

Laura Golding - 13.5.2021